Hello. I’m Bridget Doone, and today I’m opining on the lack of thought, skill, and nuance I see in everyday communications. As an example, here is a short email I recently received from a male fan.

[NOTE: Click here if you would rather watch me read this to you on YouTube.]

Hey Bridget. Love your stuff. Especially the one where the young guys DP the old lady in the shower. That made my giant cock so hard. You are hot AF. You remind me of my wife, except her tits are way bigger. She is a GILF fo sho. Too bad you and me don’t live closer. I would love to meet up and fuk.

Your fan for life,
Mr. Spurt Reynolds

Now, what can we say about this email, other than it’s full of grammatical errors and lacks complex sentence structure? It is far too forward and beyond crass. But Bridget but Bridget, you say, you write erotica and read it online. True, but I’m reading a story, not writing a letter to someone I’ve never met. Context matters, especially where a sensitive subject is concerned. Think before you write. Rewrite before you send. So, did I ignore his email? No, because I need every ‘fan for life’ I can get, and so I responded.

Dear Spurt,

Thank you for your kind words regarding my writing. It’s fan mail such as yours that inspires me to expand my audience. I was especially moved by the comparison with your wife. Although my tits will likely never be as big as hers, perhaps some day, I too may be fortunate enough to join the elite ranks of the GILF.

Bridget Doone
PS You spelled fuck wrong.

You can do better than Spurt. Email me with a comment or question, bridget@bridgetdoone.com, and I’ll respond right here!