This reader appears to be barking up the wrong tree, but as a Big Cat myself, I had much in the way of explanation and advice to offer him. Hopefully, he found some comfort in my out-of-the-box suggestion.

[NOTE: Click here if you would rather watch me read this to you on YouTube.]

Dear Bridget,

I’m 36 years old and haven’t had a single successful relationship with a woman in my age group, probably because I find their mothers more interesting, and that ends up causing a problem. I grew up with a helicopter mom and four aunts – maybe that’s the reason – but I just feel more comfortable with, and more sexually excited by, older women. I’ve had some luck seducing cougars and jaguars, but just when I think it could be something really meaningful and long term, I get ghosted. What am I doing wrong?

Big Cat Obsession

Dear Obsession,

It’s always wonderful to hear from a young man, such as yourself, who admires and desires older women; it’s a real ego boost for us. That being said, statistics and common sense tell us that you have about as much chance of bagging a big cat, as I do of waking up thin.

An older woman has lived most of her life, is likely divorced, even widowed, has grown children, and is very possibly a grandmother. Unless she’s dead broke with her back against the wall, the only thing she’ll commit to is polishing off that jug of white wine in the fridge. And although you may be young and handsome and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, her 55-year old neighbor who has far more in common with her, is only around 3 months of the year, plus he has a big fat portfolio, a medicine cabinet full of Cialis, and a saltwater pool.

What I’m saying is, and I hope you’ll take this like a Trojan, she’s just not that into you.

There is an alternative, although I hesitate to suggest it as it is somewhat taboo, but you might consider venturing into the jungle with some female bait on your arm. I know that may sound counterintuitive, but not from the Big Cat’s perspective. While a one-on-one can feel like a threat to her autonomy, a threesome allows her freedom to get her freak on without the risk of a romantic entanglement. In addition, these situations very often result in long lasting friendships, and that would seem to solve the ghosting issue you are currently experiencing.

I hope I haven’t dissuaded you from, or shaken your faith in, traditional twosomes, but since we started with your obsession with women 20 to 30 years your senior, inspired by your own family members, I felt some latitude in suggesting something avant-garde.

Best of luck and thanks for the profile picture. It’s always nice to get one taken from the waist up. I hope if you ever decide three’s company, I’ll be the first to know.

Bridget Doone

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